For those who have gone back to work after having children, in addition to the stress of leaving your child, having separation anxiety, and really struggling with the guilt it can cause, the next stress factor is childcare. Let’s not even get started on how difficult it is to trust someone with your child, let’s just talk about the cost. In 1960, childcare accounted for about 2% of a family’s total income. Today, it takes up about a fifth of a family’s earned income. Granted, in the 60s, more mothers stayed home so childcare wasn’t a common expense, but the fact that many families pay as much for their housing as they do for childcare is outrageous.
Unlike other services where you can shop around, price compare, and maybe compromise on quality to save some money, childcare is not one of those expenses that you can safely do this. The last thing you want to “bargain shop” for is the person or facility that will be caring for your child on a regular basis.
I am very thankful that I work from home most days and have some travel here and there. But even with a work from home job, we can all agree that you can’t be very productive or focused with a toddler around. Since my son was 6 weeks old, we’ve staffed an in-home nanny. As a new mom, I will admit that I was naive. I thought I could get my work done if I had help a few hours each day. I quickly realized that to manage my job and a child, I would need someone available at all times during the work day.
As much as I pride myself on budgeting and managing our expenses, I was not ready for the price tag of what this was going to cost me. To put it in perspective, let me share what I could have done with the money I spent on a nanny each month:
- paid a second mortgage for a vacation home on the beach or in the mountains
- taken a trip across country or overseas every month
- made a car payment for a 2017 Porsche 911 or 2016 Tesla Model S
- paid off my student loans in a year and a half
This is astounding to me. We wonder why we are seeing a trend in the middle class having less children than before. It is simple. If people are spending a large chunk of their income on childcare, they can’t afford to multiple that. When you have children, you come to a crossroads. One path is continuing to work and just accepting that a large part of your paycheck with go to a nanny or daycare or some form of childcare. The other path is to stop working and stay home with your children.
Each option comes with its own pros and cons. For me personally, I worked very hard to get where I am professionally. I also work in technology. If I took a few years off to stay home, I would have had to start from the bottom again since technology changes so much in a short amount of time. At the time I was also earning the lion’s share of our income, so we couldn’t afford to live without it. So for me and my family, continuing my career and sacrificing the cost of childcare was the choice we went with. But I have seen many of my friends decide to stop working when their children came. For some it was as simple as math. If their job didn’t pay more than what the childcare would cost, then it wasn’t a hard decision. For others, they wanted to stay home and sacrificed in order to make that a reality.
None of the discussions regarding the monetary aspect devalues the emotional factor either. Making the decision to put your child in someone else’s care for possibly 40+ hours a week is very difficult as well. The amount of judgement that I’ve seen given towards mothers who put their children in daycare is saddening. The amount of guilt and heartache they put on their selves is more than enough, they do not need to hear it from others. Any one who thinks that tears and despair were not a part of their decision should stop and have a little sympathy.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we are all just doing the best we can for our families and with the hand we are dealt. As a working mom I have to often remind myself that I am working to provide the lifestyle my family and I enjoy. I also look at my son and think about the example I am setting. My hope is that my son sees my hard work and follows my example. That he understands that you have to work hard for what you want, that nothing is handed to you. I also hope he understands that you decide your path. You do not have to be dependent on others in order to build the life you want.
And I pray that he looks for a woman one day who is strong and independent and can contribute to his life. I want him to look at his father and me and see that we both worked hard to give him a great life and that we were a team. I can only hope that he sees our marriage as an example of partnership, dedication, friendship, and love.
*since writing about this topic, we have left Atlanta and moved to Roswell. We found a home with an in-law suite. My father has moved in with us full time and watches our son when I need to work or travel. To put childcare cost into perspective: we sold our 1,600 sq ft townhome in Buckhead, bought a 3,400 sq ft house in Roswell, and we now have more disposable income each month even with a larger mortgage because we no longer have the cost of a nanny. We are very lucky to have my dad who is so willing to be a hands on grandfather.
For more insight to the national discussion on childcare, check out some of these articles and resources
Research and information from the Economic Policy Institute
An interactive map showing average cost of childcare by state from CNN Money
The PewResearch Center explains why the soaring cost of childcare is creating more stay-at-home parents
