Little Brown Toes

We all have things about us that we “don’t like” but what if we changed that outlook? My hangup is my “little brown toes,” they have always been there staring up at me and reminding me that I feel like I don’t belong. You see, my family looks nothing like me. My father is Caucasian and Filipino/Chinese while my mother is of Puerto Rican descent. Basically they all look light skinned, with straight-ish hair, and thin features. Me, I’m brown. Brown toes, brown belly, brown eyes, and BIG brown curly hair. I have let that little word “brown” dominate and depreciate my self-image for far too long. Recently I attended International Babywearing Conference and MommyCon DC. Both events are amazing as always but MommyCon stood out in a personal way for me. Ever session I attended was perfect for where I am in life but two sessions by The Leaky B@@b truly changed my outlook on self-love. 

The first session “What Love Tastes Like” made me cry. Crying out of love for myself and the little brown toes dancing on my lap. See, my daughter is almost the spitting image of me, so beautiful and brown like me. Something Jessica (The Leaky B@@b) said hit home in a serious way. She talked about a conversation between her and her daughter. Her daughter looked in the mirror clearly analyzing her body to which Jessica said, “You are SO beautiful.” Her daughter looked at her and said “You are such a liar, how can you tell me I’m beautiful but tear yourself down as well.” As a new girl mom I want my baby to know she’s beautiful, smart, and funny just like her mama. However I sometimes doubt that I have those qualities and vocalize the doubts I have. I want to remember that #IAMENOUGH.

I want to look down at her “little brown toes” and believe in the beauty she sees when she looks up at me. To believe that I am enough for her and her brother, showing my husband a confident, beautiful woman because I know that I am enough. It’s not all about beauty, brains, comedy, or anything else that may be surface level. It’s about who you are inside, how you present yourself, and how you treat others that shows who you truly are. I am enough, I am the right parent for my children, and I am on the journey that is right for me.