a continuation to Little Brown Toes
Looking down at their little brown fingers entwined in mine I see the future. Do I want them to make the same mistakes that I have made in my life? Do I see them building a future greater than what we have now? How can I show them love?
MommyCon taught me a lot about intimacy within love. Not only did I learn through the “Sex after Baby” session with The Leaky B@@b but through the people around me. I remember looking over and seeing a young biracial couple breastfeeding their first baby together. The dad would help hold the baby while the mom breastfed; it was like they were in their own little world. Honestly it was the most intimate and beautiful moment I had seen during the event. Seeing them reminded me of how my husband and I were with our first baby. Sadly it seems we have drifted from that intimacy with our second.
Love is always something I have within me but intimacy is another story. It’s hard to feel as though you don’t belong and still crave intimacy with your loved ones. Growing up I would try to hide my little brown fingers that were so different from my family. Feeling alone made me hide from intimacy. Hiding from intimacy to this day has caused a rift in my marriage However it has also become a building block. My husband grew up with a lot of intimacy around him and knows how to break down my walls and build in intimacy slowly. I have learned so much in my marriage but there is still so much more to learn.
Finding Intimacy
Love and Intimacy
Now that we are parents to two babies it is a lot harder to find time for intimacy. There are so many excuses, I blame being “touched out” or being “too busy” for just a kiss from my husband. He craves intimacy but as a tandem breastfeeding mom it’s hard to feel like opening that side of me. I feel like I pour out so much to my children but neglect my husband and that has to stop.
Since MommyCon I have tried to be more open to moments of intimacy. Turning down the music so we can talk while we drive is a big one for us. Another way we find intimacy is through the brief moments we have while the other is sleeping. My husband will lay beside me in the mornings when he thinks I am asleep and I will set aside work for a few moments at night to cuddle. Small things we do each day builds intimacy between us and strengthens our relationship. Something small is better than nothing at all and it shows our children how to love deeply as well.
Intimacy is something that is bigger than sex, deeper than love, it is felt and experienced and should not be taken lightly. I have come to realize that without intimacy our marriage will completely fall apart. It isn’t a you or a me problem, it’s a we thing. WE must work together to build up our marriage and show these two beautiful brown babies that love flows throughout our family. The steps we take now will teach them how to love in the future. The love we show them and the love we show each other is crucial to how they love in the future.
“You are special, You are loved, You matter, You are BEAUTIFUL”
