How I Created My Mommy Village

If you asked me when I was 20 what being a stay at home mom was like I would have probably told you “Oh you know I’ll take my kid to the park with my friends and all their kids and vacation together. We will swap babysitting and my husband and I will still have weekly date nights! We will spend every day of the summer at the pool. I’ll still go on girls getaways. My child will eat all his veggies without whining and he will not ever act up. I’ll have it all under control!” Yeah, that’s not reality for me- or probably most moms either. I needed to create my mommy village, and it was going to take some work.

Let me roll back the clock a few years.

I was married all of 6 weeks when I went to my OBGYN for a routine Pap smear. They told me I was pregnant before I even changed into a gown. That pee in the cup test is FAST! Man, I was in shock. Yes, shock. I know how babies are made, but you hear all the stories of how long it takes for people to get pregnant. Not me. My husband calls me Fertile Myrtle now. He was thrilled, me not so much. I think he was far more excited than myself. I was scared that I was going to lose that precious newlywed time yet I reminded myself I had 8 months until he was born.

All was “fine”, I had a textbook easy pregnancy. Slept though the night. I never got up to pee. I could eat anything (except a vitamin on an empty stomach)! I gained a normal amount of weight and the doctor predicted a 9 pounder. When it came time to delivery, it was vaginal birth with an epidural and he was born with the cord around his neck. Of course, the doctors didn’t tell me during labor but they kept saying I needed to get the baby out quickly. I pushed him out in 20 minutes. Thankfully Andy was fine. His APGAR score was good and he had no real complications. He was 7.1 pounds so a semi low birth weight from the lower blood flow.

That really gave me a quick perspective that I was BLESSED to be a mother.

Not only did I know I was blessed, I could see this tiny human every day and remember what a privilege it was to stay home with him. It still didn’t take away the baby blues, the total 180 I was about to hit, the breast feeding for a year or the fact that my husband would struggle too. My expectations were vastly different than my reality.

I hated nursing with every fiber of my being as it hurt, I was on demand constantly, I could rarely leave my nursing child, YET, I felt it was my responsibility and I owed that to him. I was quickly realizing being a stay at home mom was a sacrifice in many ways.

My social life came to a halt, my date nights became fewer, my waist line fluctuated, my adult interactions were waining…BUT I started to build my village. Yes, they always say “it takes a village”; and now I know what that means.

If there is one thing I now encourage moms to be with, it’s that it will be hard but build your village!

My neighborhood was the first place I started. We have lots of kids on the street to be my mummy’s helper, some babysitters and some elderly folks that we simply visit. My son has got a third set of grandparents we visit 2-3xs a week on our street that we bring baked goodies, eat with them, help them water their plants, etc. We found an amazing preschool for our son to socialize with children his age and learn how to make friends. I joined a gym with an excellent Kid’s Klub to give me a little “me time”, which happens to sometimes mean skipping my workout completely and just showering in peace in the locker room. We found moms who post in a Play Date group on Facebook. We can meet up whenever it fits our schedule.

Most of all, I built my village. I went out and actively sought life outside mothering. It’s helped my sanity, grown relationships and shaped my son. He can interact with people of all ages and all walks of life!

If you’re struggling today, reach out to the moms of My Atlanta Moms Club and start building your village today. You need them and they need you, too!