Find Your Purpose in Life: An Autism Mom’s How-To Guide

My entire adult life I was an oncology and hospice nurse. I administered chemotherapy directly into the veins of my patients in order to kill their cancer, and gave CPR until my scrubs were soaked with sweat. I held the hands of my dying hospice patients as they made the transition from this life to the next. My job was my life and my patients were my babies. The specialty I chose is one of the most physically and emotionally draining. Four out of ten oncology nurses will leave that speciality after just one year. That’s because it’s one of the most difficult areas to work. But I LOVED it.  I was PROUD to tell people my job. It’s a job that isn’t for everyone, and it made me feel special that I was thriving in such a demanding field.

Then I became a mom.

The first time I held my little girl, my priorities completely shifted. All I wanted to do was take care of my daughter. When my maternity leave was up and I had to go back to work, I was devastated. I literally had panic attacks the night before every work day. I cried every single day and begged my husband to let me quit. If we could have afforded it, of course he would have supported me. But we couldn’t. So I sucked it up and barely got through the work days. At the end of a shift, I didn’t feel relieved because I was already dreading my next shift. The same woman who vowed I would never be satisfied being a stay at home mom was now begging my husband to let me quit. We just weren’t capable of making it on one income.

When Raelyn was diagnosed with autism, everything changed.

We left the doctor’s office with a stack of prescriptions for different therapies. We quickly realized that Raelyn was going to be in therapy 4 to 5 days a week. That’s when Patrick said without hesitation, “I think it’s best for you to stay home full time with Raelyn so you can be at all her therapies and appointments.” I jumped at the opportunity. We both knew this was the best option for our daughter, and we would just have to figure something out to financially make things work.

The first month or so, I was killing it at being a stay at home mom. The house stayed fairly clean, I cooked dinner more nights than not, and I was doing as much therapy with Raelyn as I could. I loved every minute I got to spend with her. But then it started to lose its appeal. For years I identified myself as being a nurse. It wasn’t just my job; it was who I was. As a nurse, I literally made a difference in the lives of countless patients. That’s a pretty powerful concept to wrap your mind around.

But now I was “just a stay at home mom.”

I could feel my entire identity slipping away before my eyes. All of those nursing skills that took me years to perfect would no longer be put to use. Although I absolutely love staying home with Raelyn, I missed feeling important and useful. I missed helping people and making a difference.

I had become an active member of the moms group, My Atlanta Moms Club. The founder, Caroline, was working on launching a website with information on various topics for moms everywhere. She was recruiting bloggers to cover different topics and I told her I was interested in blogging in the special needs section. That was the beginning of something incredible.

I initially began blogging as a therapeutic outlet. I’m not the type of person to ever talk about my feelings, but for some reason it came naturally for me to type them. I figured my blog posts would get a few clicks here and there, but I really wasn’t interested in reaching a large audience. It was helping me cope and that was really important to me at the time. I had no idea that my blog would turn into what it has. What started out as a cheaper alternative to therapy became a resource for hundreds of other parents going through a similar experience. I have had countless moms reach out to me about their own kids after reading my blog.

I have had the pleasure of crossing paths with so many fascinating people, simply because I decided to share our story with the world.

The pure terror that I felt during the diagnosis process is still so fresh in my mind. This journey is a very lonely one, and it can take your mind to some very dark places. That’s why I make such an effort to reach out to every other mom out there who is navigating this same path. Meeting someone who “gets it” is truly transforming. So I have become that support system for numerous moms, and they are mine as well.

Ever since we were told that Raelyn has autism, I knew this new life we had been given was so much bigger than just a diagnosis.

There is a reason that we were CHOSEN to be the parents of an autistic child. All of that energy I once put into perfecting my nursing skills and memorizing chemotherapy regimens is now put towards educating myself and the world about autism. I truly believe that my nursing career was simply preparing me for my true purpose in life. As a nurse, I was my patients’ advocate; now I am my daughter’s. When a patient or family member was grief stricken after a terminal diagnosis, I was there to pick up the pieces and encourage them to keep fighting. Now I provide that support to other autism moms. I was constantly reading and studying different chemotherapy regimens and new hospice pain management techniques; today I study everything I can about autism.

You see, what I believed to be my lifelong career was actually just a practice run for the real thing.

Everything I have ever done in life stems from a deep passion. That is the trick to finding your purpose. Focus on something that gets you out of bed in the morning; something that keeps you up to the wee hours of morning because you can’t stop working on it. If you can find something that is personal, that’s even better. You don’t have to be a special needs parent to be passionate about something. Maybe you are an artist and want to fight to get art classes back into schools. If you play an instrument, you could offer affordable lessons to kids who would otherwise be unable to afford it. You can do anything, but make it something that speaks to your heart.

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind of changing poopy diapers, making meals, washing dishes, folding laundry, and giving baths. These essential but mundane chores make it easy for us to forget the things we love and are good at. As moms, it is natural for us to put our needs on the back burner to ensure our family is taken care of. But if you stay on that back burner for too long, you will begin to resent your family. You HAVE to take care of yourself and make time to do something you love. Yes, your number 1 priority in life is the well being of your children. But don’t forget about the rest of that priority list…the part that includes doing something for YOU.

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Click here to read my post on why being an autism mom is amazing!