Dear Younger Version of Me, with Your Unhealthy Habits and Low Self-Esteem

 

Dear younger version of me, with your unhealthy habits and low self-esteem,

First of all, I want you to know it gets better. You’re not always going to cry when you try on clothes or look at yourself in pictures. You’re going to learn to love yourself, and what you’re feeling now is growing pains. You’re at this weird stage, where you’re not a child, but you’re not quite grown yet either- and you have absolutely no idea who you are or who you want to be. Although your mama always told you that you were beautiful, society has helped mold your brain into thinking that you belong under a bridge somewhere.

Let’s go ahead and dive right into it. You’re unhealthy. And no, what you’re doing to yourself is NOT “normal”. Common? Maybe yes. Normal? Definitely not. Making yourself purge into a toilet until your eyes are blood shot, buying that gallon of ice cream- knowing it won’t be fully digested, and learning the art of primping yourself back to normalcy after puking in a public restroom- this is NOT okay. YOU are not okay. No one would ever guess you have a “problem” because you’re overweight- aren’t people with “eating disorders” supposed to be skinny?!

Cut it out with the binge drinking. Just stop. Being drunk doesn’t make you better- it makes you so much worse. And stupid. Very very stupid. Haven’t several trips to the emergency room from drinking waaaaaaay too much taught you anything?! You’re so dehydrated from binging and purging already, and you’re filling your body with loads and loads of liquor- this can kill you- like dead, 6 feet under dead- don’t you get that?! A few glasses of wine with your girlfriends is great (once you’re 21) as long as you’re responsible. And for goodness sakes, don’t ever drink and drive. Call an Uber (that’s basically a taxi- an invention of the future) or have a designated driver- just whatever you do, don’t ever drink and drive.

You’re going to battle with your image demons and unhealthy habits for a long time… More than a decade even. You’re going to spend too much time and energy focusing on how you look to other people verses how you feel when you look into the mirror. You’ve spent so much time into yearning to look good for other people, that you don’t care about yourself anymore. All of that changes when you’re 27, newly married, and take a pregnancy test. It’s going to be positive.

You’re going to battle with your image demons and unhealthy habits for a long time…

This body will no longer be yours and you will not harm it any longer. Having a precious life that needs your body more than you do, will change you forever in so many ways- especially in how you take care of yourself. You’re going to cut out caffeine, drink tons of water, eat healthier, and forget purposefully throwing up- your sweet child needs every single one of these calories to grow and form. This precious child is going to teach you so much about life and how to love- and that all begins with taking care of yourself.

A little bonus about the future you- you’re actually in better shape when you’re doing things the healthy way. Be active, eat better, and by all means, have that cupcake at a birthday party. Balance is everything. By harming your body, you’re actually keeping on the weight- it’s an ugly downward spiral for your mind, body, and spirit, and it just needs to stop.

I hate to break it to you… this never fully goes away. BUT you’re going to grow and mature so much that you know know your limits. You’re going to get to where you won’t look at those calorie charts on fast food menus- if you’re having a splurge day, you’re going to go for it without feeling guilty for the next week. When you get a step tracker, you’ll feel yourself getting obsessed with how many steps you’ve taken, and you’ll know when it’s time to take a break from it. You’ll fill out calorie charts for an hour, then throw them away, because you’ll start trying to calculate meals and scrutinizing every single bite.

You’re going to know when you’re slipping, and you’re going to catch yourself before you fall.

You’re going to love yourself. Truly and deeply love yourself. You’ll have bad hair days, insecure days, and those new jeans you thought you loved, give you a little bit of a muffin top- life isn’t going to be perfect and there’s always things you’d probably change, but you no doubt love being you. This day will come, I promise you it’s coming. So for today, start small, and one day, you WILL be a better you. You’ll never stop trying to be a better you.

Love Always (and I truly mean that),

Yourself.  An older, wiser, still working improving daily self.

 

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