I remember when I was pregnant hearing people talk about how much you’ll fight with your spouse once the baby comes. How things will never be the same in our marriage after children. The sex will disappear. Romance is a thing of the past. I also remember getting incredibly sad at this thought because one of the reasons I fell in love with my husband was because of how sweet and romantic he was and how loved he always made me feel.
Fast forward two and a half years after having my son and this is what I can tell you…
We are more in love than ever. When I was pregnant we had a talk that our marriage must always come first. Too many parents let the needs of their children become a bigger priority to them than maintaining a healthy and loving marriage. We vowed to make sure we never let our love get put on the back burner. We wanted to raise our child in a home full of love and also setting an example of what a happy and committed marriage should look like.
Here are five rules that we live by:
- Never Stop Dating: as simple as this sounds, no matter how long you have been together, never stop treating each other like you did when you dated. Remember the butterflies you’d get when you knew you’d see them soon? Or the sweet texts you’d send each other for no reason? Just because you’re parents now doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still be doing these things. Make time for the two of you and date each other!
- Find Time for Physical Contact: Just as we cuddle our babies because the skin contact is good for them, adults need this too. Humans are made to connect. Physical touch doesn’t always have to be sexual. Give each other a long hug. Cuddle while you watch a movie. Hold hands! Remember holding hands? It’s still the simplest but sweetest gesture.
- Be Each Other’s Best Friend: I know this sounds like advice you get in a toast at your wedding but it’s so true! There shouldn’t be anyone else on this earth that knows more about you. Your spouse should know what makes you laugh, what your fears are, should be the first one to hear how your day was. When you foster a relationship where friendship is the foundation, it makes staying in love so much easier.
- Do Random Acts of Kindness: The simplest thing can go miles once you become parents. Making the bed, doing the grocery shopping, letting each other sleep in. They may seem so simple but they will mean so much to each other. A sweet love note on the mirror or their favorite snack in the pantry. Just letting them know you’re thinking about them keeps that love burning.
- Don’t Just See Each Other As a Parent: You didn’t marry a Dad and he didn’t marry a Mom. You married each other because of the person they were and still are! Remember what made you fall in love with each other and don’t lose that identity. He loved talking to you about the latest books you read? Make time for that conversation. You liked learning about his favorite sport? Find time to sit and watch the game with him. Don’t let all of your conversations be about parenting topics.
One of the best pieces of advice I received is “they are only little for so long, you still have to be married for a long time after that.” This has always stuck with me. My child will only need me for so long but I am meant to spend my life with my husband. I want to make sure that I’m always putting time and effort into keeping our marriage and our bond strong.
We have been married for five years now. Of course we have rough patches but there is never an issue that we allow to take up more than a day of our lives. Our friends tell us how cute we are and how disgusting it is that we love each other so much. My husband tells me his favorite part of his day is coming home and seeing my face. I appreciate that he can’t get enough of me and I am thankful that he makes me feel absolutely beautiful every single day.
So be in love! Treasure each other! Show your kids what marriage should be like so that one day they can find a love like yours.
