To the Mom Who Doesn’t Understand From the Mom Who Wishes She Would

To the Mom Who Doesn’t Understand From to the Mom Who Wishes She Would

Today I witnessed the ugly reality that something must be done in order to spread autism awareness and encourage the tolerance of autistic people in today’s society. I took Raelyn to a birthday party at Kids Up for a little girl in her preschool class. A few months ago, I probably wouldn’t have even entertained the idea of bringing her to a birthday party at a place that’s loud and filled with tons of unfamiliar people…

It would’ve completely overwhelmed her and then I would be stuck holding my 24 pound child the entire time before finally deciding to just throw in the towel and leave. Well, in January I enrolled her in preschool that she attends two days a week for four hours each day. I knew she would never learn to function in the real world if I didn’t expose her to some social interaction early on. It was the best decision I have ever made. She has blossomed. Of course, her therapy has been a big part of her progress as well, but school has been life changing for our entire family.

This is such a cute place to bring kiddos

Because she has become more tolerant of new situations and groups of people since starting school, I willingly accepted the invitation to this birthday party. It didn’t stress me out the way these sort of events used to. I knew she was going to be just fine.

Well to say she was fine is an understatement… The child had an absolute ball!! Her favorite part of this place is a big boat that the kids can climb up into. It has a steering wheel (her all time favorite thing), and I swear she would stay in that boat, spinning the steering wheel the entire time if she could. There were lots of kids there, so I would occasionally take her to other sections of the place so that other kids could play on the boat. But she always went back to that damn boat.

So the 37th time we approached the boat (ok maybe I’m exaggerating a tad) there was a little

The infamous boat…

girl close to Raelyn’s age playing in it. The boat is huge and there was plenty of room for both of them, so I didn’t see any harm in letting Raelyn play with her. It was overtly obvious that this child’s mother was annoyed that my kid was invading her kid’s space… I ignored her even though I wanted to ask her if she needed help pulling that giant stick out of her ass.

I helped Raelyn climb up in the boat and she started stimming because she was so excited. (For those you are new to the autistic language, stimming is basically any form of repetitive movement or behavior that people with autism do in order to self regulate. It’s a way of coping and communicating for them). So anyway, Raelyn has lots of different stims, and one of them is blowing raspberries. She does it when she’s excited.

“stimming is any form of repetitive movement or behavior that people with autism do in order to self regulate. It’s a way of coping and communicating for them”

Just look at how much fun she is having ?

Well she was really excited to play with this little girl and she started blowing raspberries. Then she got really close to the girl, kind of in her face and was blowing raspberries. When I realized what she was doing, I was going to pick her up and take her somewhere else to play. I can’t just tell her “no.” I mean I could, but it wouldn’t do any good. I’ll go into that subject some other time. Anyway, so I was going to pick her up but before I could, that little girl’s mom gave me the nastiest look, snatched up her daughter, and walked away.

My heart sank and my eyes welled up with tears. That mom made me feel like my kid was a freak and that I was a horrible mother for allowing that type of behavior. I’ll be honest… Six months ago, before we started down this road, there’s a possibility that I would’ve reacted in a similar way. I would’ve assumed the kid was being a brat and didn’t want to share. I didn’t expect that mom to know that Raelyn is autistic, and I don’t completely blame her for being so hateful. That’s why I felt so compelled to share this. I HAVE to spread autism awareness for the sake of my daughter and every other person on the spectrum out there who struggles with being socially accepted.

? “I wouldn’t change you for the world, but I sure do wish I could change the world for you”?

Right now, my daughter is little and I am able to protect her from the hatred of the world and also fight her battles. But she won’t be little forever. She will grow up and she will encounter all sorts of mean people. I will have to teach her how to fight her own battles, and that’s something that I shouldn’t have to do. It breaks my heart and crushes my soul to think that I will have to teach my kid to be tolerant of people’s ignorance. That isn’t fair. So instead, I’ve decided to do everything I can to teach the world about autism so that she can grow up in a more tolerant world. If I can enlighten just a handful of people, chances are they will share my story with someone. That’s how the world changes, people. We have to start somewhere, so this is my beginning. I’m thrilled to make you a part of this transformation.

So I am asking you to do your part in making this change… The next time you’re out in public and see a kid who at first glance appears to just be a brat, reconsider. Ask yourself if it’s possible that this child who is throwing themselves onto the floor in the middle of the produce section is just over stimulated. That maybe this child physically can’t help the way they’re acting because they don’t have an alternative way of expressing themself. I’m not saying there won’t be times that you encounter a kid that’s just a damn snotty nosed brat. They definitely exist. Just try to consider the alternatives before coming to that conclusion.

While that kid is flailing across the floor of publix, there’s a good chance you will look over at his mom and be shocked to find that she is checking her Facebook, instead of trying to do something with her kid who is clearly possessed by the devil. Don’t judge her.

This mom knows what she is doing.

This mom is absolutely without doubt 100% positive that she is handling this the right way. Because she deals with this daily. She knows that intervening doesn’t help. In fact it often makes it worse.

She knows that people are staring and pointing.

And although she doesn’t look like she gives a shit, she is crying inside because she feels like a failure. She acts like she doesn’t care what you think. But she does. I guarantee you that simply getting her kid ready to go to the store took her well over an hour. So damn if this tantrum is going to prevent her from stocking up on milk and bread. She’s committed at this point so she just has to wait it out. So do not judge her. Do not point, roll your eyes, or laugh at her kid. Don’t ask her if her kid is ok. What the hell do you think? Does he LOOK ok? If anything, walk up to her and tell her she’s doing just fine. Tell her it’s going to be ok. Tell her we have all been there. Or just give her a pat on the back, keep walking, and think to yourself, “damn she’s got to be one strong woman to be able to handle that so gracefully.”